Poetry never fails to destroy my cynicism or stoicism or whatever hard-nosed thing I happen to be that day. Poetry about death makes me wonder when I will experience my first real death...I guess the deaths of pets don't really count, do they? Poetry about kids makes me excited to have children of my own. And poetry about love? That usually affects me the strongest of all.
The watery words, the insubstantial breaths cause me to crave his touch, his kiss, his heart beneath my ear. There's something wonderful about snuggling up to his chest....something borderline magical.
I, like, soooo do not deserve him.
But we've had that "discussion" before.
I thought about bed last night. Our bed. What it will be like to fall asleep together, dream...and awaken to the sun's caress.
There's a line in my poetry.....
When we sleep together/
When we breathe each other's breath/
God, how that reminds me of us.
Funny how I miss him sometimes. At random times.
Funny how I'm so hesitatingly impatient for the future to arrive.
Funny how much I love him.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
My Physical Contact
It's back.
No.
Not again.
Yes, again.
Fuck.
Leave me alone, alright? It was just a high five. Just a damn high five.
First time in months. First time in....nine and a half...ten months.
That's a long time.
Yeah, it is.
Just a high five. Relax.
I know where this is going. I've been down this road before and it's bumpy and horrid.
What was that word?
Hideous.
"Such a girl word," he said. "I like it."
Gotdamn. This barely even makes sense to me.
What did he call it?
Oh yeah, stream of consciousness writing.
I like it.
Random.
"Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!"
Fat whore.
I have to pee.
Peeing's a chore. Sort of.
Hmm.
Why don't I make more of an effort?
Stupid girl.
It's not on yet. Stupid internet.
Damn. You fucker. You fucking bastard. Take me from high to low in 2.3 flat. It ain't fair.
Was a long and dark December
From the rooftops I remember
There was snow
White snow
Gawd, it's enough to kill a rhino.
I wish I had a different stream in this damn desert.
I want Oreos.
I'm calming. But I NEED to hear those French accents. Then I can really mellow out.
I need his voice too.
Or would that just put me on edge again.
High five.
Damn.
I'm gonna pee.
No.
Not again.
Yes, again.
Fuck.
Leave me alone, alright? It was just a high five. Just a damn high five.
First time in months. First time in....nine and a half...ten months.
That's a long time.
Yeah, it is.
Just a high five. Relax.
I know where this is going. I've been down this road before and it's bumpy and horrid.
What was that word?
Hideous.
"Such a girl word," he said. "I like it."
Gotdamn. This barely even makes sense to me.
What did he call it?
Oh yeah, stream of consciousness writing.
I like it.
Random.
"Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!"
Fat whore.
I have to pee.
Peeing's a chore. Sort of.
Hmm.
Why don't I make more of an effort?
Stupid girl.
It's not on yet. Stupid internet.
Damn. You fucker. You fucking bastard. Take me from high to low in 2.3 flat. It ain't fair.
Was a long and dark December
From the rooftops I remember
There was snow
White snow
Gawd, it's enough to kill a rhino.
I wish I had a different stream in this damn desert.
I want Oreos.
I'm calming. But I NEED to hear those French accents. Then I can really mellow out.
I need his voice too.
Or would that just put me on edge again.
High five.
Damn.
I'm gonna pee.
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