My Inspired Heart

Poetry never fails to destroy my cynicism or stoicism or whatever hard-nosed thing I happen to be that day. Poetry about death makes me wonder when I will experience my first real death...I guess the deaths of pets don't really count, do they? Poetry about kids makes me excited to have children of my own. And poetry about love? That usually affects me the strongest of all.
The watery words, the insubstantial breaths cause me to crave his touch, his kiss, his heart beneath my ear. There's something wonderful about snuggling up to his chest....something borderline magical.
I, like, soooo do not deserve him.
But we've had that "discussion" before.
I thought about bed last night. Our bed. What it will be like to fall asleep together, dream...and awaken to the sun's caress.
There's a line in my poetry.....
When we sleep together/
When we breathe each other's breath/

God, how that reminds me of us.

Funny how I miss him sometimes. At random times.
Funny how I'm so hesitatingly impatient for the future to arrive.
Funny how much I love him.

My Physical Contact

It's back.
No.
Not again.
Yes, again.
Fuck.
Leave me alone, alright? It was just a high five. Just a damn high five.
First time in months. First time in....nine and a half...ten months.
That's a long time.
Yeah, it is.
Just a high five. Relax.
I know where this is going. I've been down this road before and it's bumpy and horrid.
What was that word?
Hideous.
"Such a girl word," he said. "I like it."
Gotdamn. This barely even makes sense to me.
What did he call it?
Oh yeah, stream of consciousness writing.
I like it.
Random.
"Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!"
Fat whore.
I have to pee.
Peeing's a chore. Sort of.
Hmm.
Why don't I make more of an effort?
Stupid girl.
It's not on yet. Stupid internet.
Damn. You fucker. You fucking bastard. Take me from high to low in 2.3 flat. It ain't fair.
Was a long and dark December
From the rooftops I remember
There was snow
White snow
Gawd, it's enough to kill a rhino.
I wish I had a different stream in this damn desert.
I want Oreos.
I'm calming. But I NEED to hear those French accents. Then I can really mellow out.
I need his voice too.
Or would that just put me on edge again.
High five.
Damn.
I'm gonna pee.

It Begins With Me

I've seen it.
I know what the future could be,
I saw the potential, and I think
It begins with me.

I saw a world full of peace,
A world new and free.
I saw a nation rising up,
A nation including me.

I saw people being helped
By their fellow man.
I saw the path stretching out,
And knew I was part of the plan.

I saw dignity restored,
And dreams become reality.
I saw children smile,
And I knew it started with me.

I saw a planet healed,
Happy elderly and youth.
I saw free education,
And knew I'd found Truth.

I saw true gratefulness,
And widespread equality.
I saw a beautiful world,
And knew it began with me.

My Depression, Drugs, And In-Jokes

It's getting closer to Christmas. Yay!
I keep thinking about last Christmas...how depressing it was. I was in an almost-relationship when I decorated the tree...by myself. My parents had no desire to help. Decorating the house and the tree has always been a family affair. But last year, I was the only one who had any interest in festivity. Which was ironic, since I was depressed. I pushed my mom to make her traditional Christmas cookies. I had all of my gifts wrapped before anybody else. It was so weird, to have all this holiday spirit and still feel like everything was dark.
I really want hot cocoa now.
I....need to cheer up.
Oh my gosh! You know what I wanna do? I wanna go sledding! I haven't gone sledding since I was nine. I basically stopped the day I sprained my wrist.
Journalism is starting to become quite the drug. I get high off of interviewing people. I get satisfaction from getting my stories back from editors. I get a fire in my heart when I hear people talk about stuff they've read in the paper, even if it's not my story.
Mellow.
Do you ever make jokes that nobody else gets? That happens far too often for me.
Last night I was laughing silently, and I had to make myself stop so I could sleep. I kept thinking of saying, "Kyrie, if you try to cuddle with me I'm gonna kill you." For some reason that seemed really funny to me.
LIFE IS MY CRACK.

My KRAFT caramels

I think they have a center of pure crack. Seriously. These things are addictive!!

My Unusual Taste Buds

I've finally found a form of alcohol that doesn't make me retch. It's name is burgundy wine, and we are casual acquaintances. We may become more, but we will never be lovers. But it's still a revelation that there is a drink that I like. The newness of it is overwhelmingly bright.

My Political Scandal

I am an enigma of my generation. When, a week ago, I began suggesting that a story on the presidential election be put in the school newspaper, I was shocked and dismayed to see how few people cared. In reality, I was the only student in the room who not only lacked an opinion, but knew every candidate and veep candidate from their first appearance in the media. I suppose I have to thank my mother (the history teacher) for making me watch the news at dinner, and for giving me the political gene.

At the beginning of the "race," (I don't see a finish line, nor a trophy) I was crossing my fingers for Obama. The free spirit in me abhors the thought of another wrinkly old white male in the Oval Office, though the Catholic me is disturbed at the thought of having a pro-abortion President.

Now, I'm not so sure who I want to "lead" our country. There are advantages and disadvantages to both sides. So I've finally come to the decision to let it go. When people ask, "What are you?" I think I'll reply, "Why, I'm human! What are you?" And when they ask, "Who do you want to win?" I will answer, "Mountain Dew Revolution."

My parents both consider themselves Independents, though my mother is listed as Republican. I have a natural tendency to lean slightly Right, though if I hadn't been baptized at age 8, I'm sure I'd be as Leftist and radical as my hippie aunt.

I think the Republican side of things desperately needs shaking up. For one thing, enough with the old white males; let's see some [smart] women in the White House. And enough with this selective blindness; things like rape, teen pregnancy, addictions and adultery happen. Instead of ignoring them, why not fix them now? The same with the economy...everyone seems to be talking about it. Everyone is worried. Let's get a few heads together to make it better the right way. I can already see the financial pain and struggles my generation is going to go through, but nobody seems to care enough to stand up and protest, least of all my own generation. Or maybe we're all just a bunch of cowards. Lastly, why are politicians barely even whispering about the environment? Are they too engrossed in the latest facts and polls to look out the window and see the brown sky? They're shrugging off the letters and petitions asking for alternative energy, clean fuel, and conservation. What will my entire generation be doing when we're drowning in puddles of sludge, acid rain, and melted glaciers? We will be cursing our self-absorbed predecessors. The adults of the current time need to be just that: adults. They may be the Flower Children, but this world is badly in need of some responsible men and women.