I wonder if anybody reads these things.....

My computer deleted a blog I'd been working on for two days. FML.

Geometry is easy and hard at the same time. Like a male whore. Heh heh.

My blog should be labeled "Caution, this program may not be suitable for children. Parental guidance is advised."

It's cool to have a car of my own. It's strange and nice to have such independence. I was standing in the dark kitchen last night, drinking a glass of water, when I suddenly felt a keen awareness of my own independence, my own responsibility. "A lot of kids I know would be taking this way harder than I am," I thought. I wondered if other teens would throw fits, or be less organized. I'm sure other teens communicate with their parents about plans and locations far less than I do. For example, today I handed my mom a note with my after-school schedule for the next week or so. I figure this way she can plan dinners more easily, and she won't have to worry about where I'll be or when I'll be home.

I discovered three Beta Bucks in my room. This is a sign from God, indicating that Ben and I need to make a morning coffee run. :)

Sara and Nick and I are all very excited about State Speech. It's fun to see Nick so involved, how much he really loves Speech and how he cares for the younger kids. He's become surprisingly responsible in the past year, stepping into his role as a leader as easily as some people pull up their socks. I like how he and I are becoming better friends. I'm going to make him watch Juno on the way to State. :) He's a good kid, really.
Speaking of good kids....Ben and I are talking and hanging out more too, which totally makes me smile. I felt so proud of him, that he offered to help us move and didn't back out even when he found out I wouldn't be there. He's grown up.

Shopping with my dad was pretty neat. We went to 2 thrift stores, which were ok but not big hits. Then we went to the store my dad's friend Sharie owns, a vintage store. My dad explained as we were walking in that he had brought Sharie so much stuff that he had a crapload of store credit racked up, so I could buy whatever I wanted. The first thing I noticed in the store was Sharie's employee, Rory. Rory is blond. Very blond. And slightly tan. And dresses in suit jackets from the 1960s.
He looked like Barbie's boyfriend (Ken) circa 1965.
He was nice though. So was the other employee, Patricia. She brought me all sorts of vintage dresses and tops to try on, and I found some really beautiful things. I felt happy...I thought, "This is what it must feel like to be rich."

Sunday afternoon I packed up a bunch of clothes, stuffed animals, toiletries, etc and moved a bunch of things over to Mom's. We had fun, dancing around and watching M*A*S*H while we ate hot dogs. It felt good, to bond like that.

Everything in the Equus is going fine, though I'm a bit hurried. Deadlines fly up at me like so many flies from...well.....yeah.

I have practically zero time. I shouldn't even be writing a blog, that's how little time I have. But I have to write. That's what I do. It is who I am: a writer.

I need chocolate covered pretzels.

How To Pack A Hippo

While searching for tips on how to pack for a move, I came across this:

Yes, there is or was something posted on how to pack a hippo. Unfortunately, I got a 404 message when I clicked on the link. :( But doesn't it make you feel safer knowing that somebody out there knows how to safely pack a hippo?

I forgot, ya'll might not know what FML stands for. It means F*** My Life.

Has your face ever gone numb? No, seriously. It's happened to me only maybe 3 or 4 times ever. It's happening right now. It's because I was thinking about how f*****g pathetic I must look when I explain to people that my parents are getting a divorce.
Mom said Mrs. Loberg and Mrs. Winniger (née Albaugh) are going to help us move. Fuuuudge. I'm hoping to God I don't cry.
Mrs. Loberg gave me a hug in the hallway like the Monday after The Talk. She said "I love you." It was strange, hearing words like that from somebody who's practically a stranger. God, don't let me cry. Don't let me cry.
FML

Are people with cancer more afraid to actually say cancer because it'll make the whole thing seem more real? Because that's the way I am with the D-word.
D for Depression
I for Ill
V for Vendettas
O for Oh my God
R for Reality (screwed)
C for Crashed
E for Excedrine

Taboo
rhymes with tattoo
and poo
and sue
and goo
and balloon.....sort of

F**k my life.

Temporary Misplacia

This pain
Is like jagged rips
In my heart
While memories, tears
Flow through my mind and over my face
Kneeling
Kissing
Cuddling
Whispering
In the dark
In the candlelight.
I need to come back,
Come home
And fit the pieces together,
To make the puzzle whole-
The way we became whole,
Completing each other
On cement and cotton.
I need to see the light
In your eyes,
The light that illuminates
My very soul.
Without it, I am blind
Lost
Alone.
I need to feel your skin,
Warm and alive,
Gliding over mine,
Heating and melting
The ice of my old hell.
Winter always returns
Without the sun.
Without light,
Flowers cease to bloom
And all of life fades.
Which is why I need you-
Because otherwise I am
Vaguely dead,
Discontent with mere existence
And colorblind to everyone.
I need your breath in my ear,
Your voice...
For what is life
Without music?
I need your laugh
And your smile
And
Oh God...
Your lips.
Bestowing, anointing me
With the most precious gift
Of your kiss.
Pure good
Pure love
Pure bliss.

My Incurability

Even drugs don't work. I've been to the doctor twice. Nothing seems to help my throat for more than ten minutes. I need my voice.
I write this from the depths of Medicine Land. Tylenol with codeine is usually enough to knock out pain for most people, right? It really hasn't had any effect on me, except for making me feel like everything is a little fuzzy...it's a little harder to focus. My mind slips from one subject to another. I'm drifting.
If I had swollen glands, the doc would have said I have mono....but nothing. I'm just kind of defying everything, medically.
I'm so tired. Constantly. I just have zero energy. Even typing this makes my arms hurt....I wonder what's wrong with me? When will I be back to normal?
I'm ready to be healthy again.